May 17, 2021
Fight for you.
3 Tips for mentally cautious people
No one knows you better than you know yourself.
I say this because no one feels your emotions before you do. You can have someone who notices a change in your behaviour before you can identify the changes, but the truth is by the time the behaviour changes you have already felt the difference in your emotions.
But this post isn’t about who knows you better between you and your mom.
It’s about knowing yourself and then fighting for yourself.
A short summary about me — I grew up in a tough environment because of my parents which resulted in a repercussion of events and behaviours I adapted to survive. One of the behaviours was always being the golden child to get my mother’s love and father’s attention. Fast forward to the current day. I’ve noticed a similarity between my brother and me — we struggle with defining our likes, hobbies, dreams and ambitions. We both grew up constantly making decisions to make our parents and family happy.
This has been a challenge that has troubled me for the past year. I’ve been on a constant journey to building my life to what I want it to be. IT HAS BEEN TEDIOUS. Imagine building a life that you don’t even have the tiniest details for?
I know I want to be happy, but what actually makes me happy? I don’t know.
Is it science? ( I got good grades in senior school)
Is it marketing? (I have got a qualification and a business that offers this expertise)
Is it entrepreneurship? (Entrepreneurship became an option because it was another way of executing my family’s dreams and ambitions. Also, they would love to have another accolade of mine to brag about.)
Psychologically, I have always believed that a problem can’t be solved in isolation. I believe in combined interventions for effective impact. However, I have had to reevaluate some ideas which lead me to these brief points below.
- Fight against the belief that you need to be in the situation to overcome it.
Yes, I need to be in a situation to overcome it but I do not need to be at home to fix home issues. Moving back home initially really looked like the best idea and decision I could have made. I was able to help out more. I was more present, I had missed my family, oh, and I did not need to think about expenses like rent. 2 Years later and I have never been so close yet so far from my family. I barely help out. I’m barely present — mentally and physically. Finding myself whilst at home has proved to be a challenge. Every minute I spend with my family, all ideas that I grew up with are reinforced. I am an achiever, I am a hard worker, I am a responsible sister. I cannot find/ see myself outside of these ideas if they are reinforced into my thinking on a daily. You cannot plant a new plant/seed on top of another.
2. Fight the belief that you need to constantly be fighting.
I have always been a tough soldier. Even though I am probably one of the most sensitive people I know but I have always had a hard exterior as a way of protecting myself especially my emotions. A lot of people tell me that I do not need to be strong but those are also the people who don’t know how to receive me — they can receive my tears but not my emotions and thoughts. Over the past couple of months, I have failed dismally at being my usual soldier. I believe this is because I can no longer be the adult I was forced into being premature. The inner child is demanding to be out. I have retrieved from being the fighter that fights for the former vision influenced by my family and friends and now whispers an inner child that wants to be noticed. The inner child in me wants to be noticed by the older outer me — not my family. I don’t think she even gives to cares about my family (LOL), she wants me to take notice of her, her hobbies, likes and interests. The inner child, I’ve noticed does not want to fight. She doesn’t fight. Instead, she wants to spend time with me. She wants to hold my hand. She wants to whisper sweet things to me. She wants to grow with me in a way that is not influenced by my guardians and their perspective on how my growth should be. She stops me from constantly fighting. She pulls me back to hold me and whisper sweet things, that she wishes she had heard and because she never heard them, she does not bother fighting for things that would never fulfil that void in her.
3. If you have always challenged yourself, stop.
Make yourself your own friend. I have challenged myself so much and to a point where I have truly hurt the only person that matters to me. I have hurt myself at the expense of being the best version of myself that people want. I love my friends to bits but I have only ever had myself to tell myself kind words. In the past year of going through this turbulent time, I haven’t had one of my friends drive to my house to buy me ice cream or for a check-up. Given that we have had a worldwide pandemic, I think the least the friend in me needed was a hug — even a virtual one. The point is here, I think since childhood I have barely had a friend come to me when I needed a soft touch or simple laugh. That is what you need to be for yourself because not everyone can do it.
Oh, and I also encourage reading paperback books aver and above 5-minute reads. It’s really good for you to step away from technology for 10 minutes of your day.
